im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
