If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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