She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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