And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize