hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
