i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
