I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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