we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
