I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
