You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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