Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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