eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
