Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
