Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
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shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
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We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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