Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
