I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
