Already got asked if we're dating
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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