Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
