you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
