It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
