It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.