Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city