...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
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I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
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He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.