i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat