she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
