I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
