When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
