Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
