Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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