I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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