shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
