Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
