I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
How external is "for external use only"?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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