found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He kissed a someone with a penis
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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