have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
