I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
