she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
