shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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