The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
