I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
