I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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