Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
