I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
