Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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