Sponge bath it is.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
