you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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