Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
