I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
