I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
