Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
