i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
