My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
