1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
