I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Randomize
