shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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