Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
