Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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