I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
