But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
