I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
