found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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