Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
