I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
