i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
