you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
