but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
