this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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