Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
