you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
