I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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