the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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