I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
