I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
