he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
