I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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